Consequences of Resolutions
by irishchic799
Summary: Captain Kathryn Janeway receives some unespected news in the weeks following "Resolutions" Season 2 Episode 25 . Minor swearing and references to sex but nothing descriptive.
1. Chapter 1

Captain Kathryn Janeway awoke feeling like she had just eaten a bowl of raw Gagh. Her stomach felt like it would rebel if she so much as moved an inch. She lay on her bed for at least 5 minutes before she even dared to go to the bathroom. She was lucky enough to make it there before she lost what little was left of her midnight snack from the night before.

After throwing up for over 30 minutes, she managed to get dressed and was on her way to sick bay. She would have called for help sooner, but she really hadn't had a free moment to talk. Every time the captain opened her mouth, she got sick again. By the time she reached sick bay, her head was spinning and she was about ready to be sick again.

She quickly activated the Doctor, who was just in time to see her leaning over a basin that had been on one of the shelves.

"Captain!" cried the Doctor, "Please, sit down on the biobed."

She did.

"Now, what seems to be the problem?" Kathryn Janeway glared. "Besides the obvious symptom, of course," he hastily revised.

"I woke up feeling incredibly nauseas," she told him, rather weakly. "I vomited at least 10 times before I managed to get myself here and on the way I felt very dizzy. Come to think of it, I haven't realy felt right since the incident on New Earth."

The Doctor, who had started scanning while she was talking, smiled slightly before asking, "Captain, when was the last time you had a menstrual cycle?"

"Well, I-I really don't know," she responded. "I've been busy." She paused then jerked her head towards the EMH. "Why?"

"Well, Captain, you seem to be pregnant," was the response from the hologram. "Congratulations."


	2. Chapter 2

"Pregnant?" the captain said in disbelief. "How can that be?"

"Well," the Doctor said, "I think you know _how _it happened. As to when and who with, you are the only one with that answer. Regardless of all that, you are pregnant and need prenatal care."

"Yes, yes," Janeway murmured, her thoughts far away from the present. "Of course, Doctor."

"Now, the first thing is get rid of that awful morning sickness," he grabbed a hypospray off of the cart next to the biobed and programmed it to give the captain a dose of antiemetic. She immediately felt her queasy stomach calm. "I'll give you a dose to take with you in case it comes back when you aren't able to get to sick bay.

"Secondly, you-" she cut the doctor off.

"I can't do this right now," Captain Janeway firmly stated. "I have things to do. Will it cause the baby any danger if I wait until after dinner to talk to you about prenatal care?"

"Well, no," the Doctor responded slowly, "but-"

"Then I will see you after dinner," she declared and left the sick bay.

The Captain slowly made her way to the bridge. She thought about what was happening. She couldn't believe she was going to have a baby. She wanted children, of that she was sure, but now, in the middle of the Delta Quadrant, with more enemies being found all the time? This was **not **how she wanted to start a family. She wanted to be married, on Earth or a colony, before she was in this condition. And how would she tell him? Would he even want a baby? And with her?

She arrived at the bridge thinking about different ways to tell him and when she should do it. She had to do it; there was no choice about it. But how…

"Captain?" Chakotay said worriedly, "Captain, are you alright?"

"What? Oh yes, I'm fine, Commander," she responded absently. Her thoughts were still otherwise occupied with the news she received and now had to pass on.

"Are you sure?" the former Maquis pressed. "I asked you 3 times whether if you wanted to take a short detour to see a supernova remnant nebula. It's not something you see every day."

"Oh," she replied, "I'm sorry Commander; I guess I'm a little preoccupied. How long will it take to see this nebula?"

"At warp six, we can be there in an hour and a half, Captain," he replied.

"Alright, let's go," the captain said, going back into thought.

She sat there, in her chair, thinking. She still didn't know what to do. Should she tell him today? Tomorrow? In a week? A month? When was the right time to tell someone that they were going to be a father?

She sighed and got up to go to her ready room. She had been sitting silently thinking for about 20 minutes. Chakotay kept glancing over at her, looking concerned and it was getting to be too much for her. She wanted to tell him, so badly, but she couldn't, not yet. If she had to see that strong, kind face looking at her with those worried eyes another minute, she was afraid that she would tell him right then and there, with all the bridge crew standing witness.

Once she got to her ready room, she turned on some soft classical music and replicated herself a pot of tea. She had almost ordered coffee but then she remembered that she had a baby to think about and coffee was a big no-no for pregnant women.

She wasn't sure when she started crying. At first it was just a few tears trickling down her face but soon it turned into sobs. She didn't think she could do this, any of it. She was too scared of how he would react. What if he didn't want the baby? How could she, the captain, raise a baby all by herself?

The computer chimed, indicating that someone wanted to come in. She hastily wiped the tears off of her face with her sleeve and sniffed to clear her nose. She called for them to come in, hoping that it wasn't him. Luck wasn't on her side.

"We're here," Chakotay told her as soon as he was in the room.

It took him a moment to see that she had been crying but before he could say anything the captain responded with, "Thank you Commander, I guess time got away from me." She moved towards the door but he stopped her.

"What's wrong?" he asked in that soft voice that made Kathryn Janeway want to start sobbing all over again. "Why were you crying?"

She was barely holding it together. Her eyes were welling up and her throat was tight. "Please, go away," she whispered desperately. She tried to pull away from him but he didn't let go.

"I'm not leaving until you tell me what's wrong," he told her firmly.

"I can't!" she cried.

"Yes," he said, "you can. What is it?" He led her over to the couch and sat down next to her. She wasn't able to hold back anymore. She broke down crying again.

"What is it?" Chakotay asked urgently. "What is making you so upset?"

She couldn't stop herself. It was like her mouth wasn't listening to her brain anymore.

"I'm pregnant, Chakotay."


	3. Chapter 3

"P- pr- pregnant?" Chakotay stuttered. "You're pregnant?"

Kathryn Janeway nodded.

"I, uh, I don't know what to say," Chakotay said, bewildered. "It's my baby, right?"

"Yes, of course it's your baby," the Captain replied angrily. "What kind of woman do you think I am?"

"I didn't mean it that way," he said quickly. "It's just- I wasn't really expecting this. It was the first thing that came to mind. I don't think you are that kind of woman, not at all."

She sniffed and dabbed her face with her sleeve.

"How long have you known about this?" he asked.

"About two hours," she replied. "I woke up feeling like I had the flu so I went to Sick Bay. The Doctor told me then."

"I'm still not sure what to say or think," Chakotay said a few minutes later.

"Why don't we talk about this later?" the Captain replied quietly. "We should go back to the bridge for now."

Chakotay agreed and the two went back to the bridge to view the nebula.

The nebula was beautiful. They spent two hours gathering information about the nebula and enjoying its beauty. Chakotay avoided the Captain's eyes and they did not speak unless it was absolutely necessary.

'He doesn't want this baby,' Kathryn decided forlornly. 'I thought that he cared about me but, right now, he is acting like I have the Vidiian Phage. But all that, on the planet. He acted like, well, a caring partner or spouse, not just a friend or colleague. And he told me the "legend." He had sex with me, for goodness sake! More than once! I thought that I was more to him than a one night stand. Or rather, more than just someone who was convenient for him to use.'

"Tom, resume our previous course," she told Lieutenant Paris.

"Aye, Captain," he said as he tapped the controls. They were soon gone from the nebula and back on their way home.

She stayed on the bridge for over two hours more. Chakotay was now the one who seemed lost in thought. He didn't say anything after they left the nebula. She glanced over at him two or three times. His forehead was creased, like he was very tense.

"If anyone needs me for anything," the Captain said, "I'll be in my quarters."

She made her way off the bridge and into the turbo lift. As it was taking her to her quarters, she began thinking about whether she should even keep the baby. Chakotay didn't want it. She couldn't take care of a baby by herself. Ensign Wildman had Neelix to help her take care of Naomi. She wouldn't have anyone.

But could she bring herself to get rid of her baby?

No, she couldn't.

She was at her quarters. She must not have been paying attention because she didn't remember getting out of the turbo lift or walking there. Regardless, she entered and collapsed onto her sofa. Right now, all she wanted was to go to sleep and wake up to find out that this had all been a dream. She wouldn't be pregnant and she wouldn't have this aching feeling inside her chest whenever she thought about Chakotay and him not wanting their baby.

The door chimed. She had a feeling that she knew who was there. What she wasn't sure of it how to feel. Should she let him in or ignore him completely?

She had to know for sure. She couldn't not talk to him about this. She would tell him that he could just ignore it, that she would do it by herself. If that's what he wanted, she wasn't about to force him to do otherwise.

"Come in," she called. He did.

He didn't say anything. He stood there looking confused and a little lost.

"It's obvious why you are here," she began.

"Yes," Chakotay responded. "Yes, it is."

"Well," she said tightly, "it was pretty obvious from your reaction that you didn't want anything to come of what we had on the planet. I don't expect you to get involved with anything to do with the baby; I can take care of it myself."

Chakotay's mouth opened slightly in shock.

"That's not it at all, Kathryn!" he exclaimed. "I _**did **_want more to come from the planet. It wasn't just meaningless sex to me! Damn it, Kathryn, I fell hopelessly in love with you on that planet. But then we got back and you said it couldn't happen anymore because it was 'improper'. I wanted to fight you, to tell you how much I loved you but I thought you didn't want me the same way as I wanted you. I didn't want to hurt myself anymore by telling you and you rejecting me."

"Chakotay, I-" Kathryn started weakly. "I'm so, so sorry. I fell in love with you on the planet too. But then we got back here and I panicked. I was afraid of losing you just like I lost Mark and Justin. On the planet, when it was just me and you, I could forget my worries and just enjoy being with you. It was safe there. On the ship I was in charge of you, responsible for your safety…" She began ranting. "What if I sent you on an away mission and you were killed, or you developed some kind of disease from a species I sent you to learn about, or you-"

"Kathryn!" Chakotay said loudly to get her attention. She stopped her rant but the tears she hadn't been able to hold back were falling freely down her cheeks.

He got up from his chair and knelt in front of her. Gently, he cupped her face in his hands and, with his thumbs, wiped the tears from her face. "I understand, Kathryn."

"I'm so sorry, Chakotay," she sniffled.

"It's not important anymore," he said. "What's important now is that we know how we feel."

And, with that, he kissed her.


	4. Chapter 4

It was a gentle kiss, filled with love. When he broke the kiss, they were both breathless. Not because it was an intense kiss but because of the emotions behind it. It was like nothing either of them had ever felt before. It was like they were made for each other.

They sat silently for a moment before Chakotay asked, "Do you want a boy or a girl?"

"I hadn't really thought about it yet," she admitted. "I was too busy worrying about telling you and then being upset that you didn't want the baby."

"What do you mean I didn't want the baby?" he asked. "I never said that. In fact, I just told you that I was hopelessly in love with you. Of course I want a baby that I made with the woman I love."

"I know that all _now_," she responded, "but when I told you, you didn't seem too happy about it. That's why I thought that you didn't want anything to come out of the planet and told you I would take care of the baby by myself. I thought that you were upset and didn't want the baby."

"Never," he said softly. "I **do **want the baby. I was just surprised. All I could think was 'A baby? _**I'm **_going to be a father? And, this time, it's for real!' Honestly, that's all I thought from the time you told me until you left the bridge and I followed you here. Well, that and whether I should tell you what I told you or not."

Kathryn smiled and felt tears coming to her eyes again. 'Damn,' she thought, 'if I am this emotional already, we are going to be in for a bumpy ride.' She hastily swiped the tears from her eyes. "Sorry," she mumbled. "Stupid hormones."

"Don't worry about it," Chakotay smiled.

At that moment, the Captain's stomach began to growl. Chakotay chuckled and asked, "Hungry?"

"Just a bit," she laughed. "I was too sick to eat anything before I went to the Doctor and afterwards, I was too preoccupied."

"Then how about we stop by the Mess Hall?" the father-to-be suggested. "We can see what Neelix managed to come up with today."

The pair left her quarters and made their way to the Mess Hall. They saw a few officers on their way there but it was mostly a quiet trip.

"What do you have for us today, Neelix?" the First Officer asked that Talaxian cook.

"That would be Plomeek and Leola root casserole," Neelix replied amiably.

"We'll take two of those, then," the Captain told Neelix.

Neelix scooped two helpings onto trays and handed one to each commanding officer. They, in turn, sought out an empty table, happy to find one that was a bit apart from the other crew members who were also eating lunch.

"I am going to see the Doctor after dinner tonight," Kathryn told Chakotay. "He had some more to tell me but I was too shocked to stay and listen."

"Do you know how long the appointment will last?" Chakotay asked. "I was going to play a game or two of Hoverball with B'Elanna at 2000 hours but I can reschedule it if the appointment will be longer."

"You want to come?" Kathryn asked, a bit surprised.

"Of course," he replied, after swallowing his bite of the casserole.

Internally, Kathryn Janeway couldn't have been happier. She hadn't doubted him when he had said that he loved her and wanted to be with her but this, him wanting to go to the first prenatal exam, had gotten rid of any doubts she may have had unconsciously.

"You might want to start that," Chakotay said, gesturing to her meal with his fork. "Its tolerable warm but I imagine it would taste like compost cold."

She heeded his advice and took a bite of the casserole. Almost immediately her stomach lurched and she found herself rushing to the nearest bathroom. Everyone in the room looked up as she ran to the bathroom. Not many were surprised to see Commander Chakotay run after her. Almost everyone on board could tell how enamored he was with her just by the way he looked at her.

"Kathryn?" Chakotay called gently. "Are you ok?"

"Not really," she said in a weakly sarcastic tone.

"Do you need my help?" he asked.

Instead of answering, she came out. "As long as I stay away from that casserole, I think that I will be alright."

"Why don't you go back to your quarters and replicate yourself some toast or soup?" Chakotay said. "I'll watch the bridge for the rest of the shift."

"What ever would I do without you?" Kathryn smiled.


	5. Chapter 5

After Chakotay left, Kathryn didn't know what to do. She took his advice, for the second time that day, and replicated some toast and chicken soup. She managed to eat it but after she was at a loss of what to do. She usually didn't have free time and when she did, it was usually spent doing something with someone else, mostly ship related.

She remembered a book she had started reading sometime last week and went to her bed to begin to read. After about ten minutes of that, however, she fell into some much needed sleep.

She was awoken by her door chime. She groggily sat up and threw her legs over the side of the bed.

"Come in," she said. The door slid open to reveal her first officer.

"Would you like to get some dinner?" Chakotay asked as he stepped inside.

"Is it that late already?" Kathryn asked in reply.

"I just finished my shift," Chakotay told her. "It's 17 30 hours."

"Oh," she said. "I've been asleep for a while."

"Come on," Chakotay said. "We have an appointment with the Doctor soon and you should eat."

"Well, then," Kathryn Janeway said happily, "let's go."

The duo made their way to the Mess Hall for the second time that day. It was packed with crew members who had just gotten off their shift. The Captain hoped that whatever concoction Neelix had made wouldn't upset her currently delicate stomach.

"Would you like to try some of my Hasperat?" Neelix asked brightly. "Its Crewman Tal Celes' birthday so I let her pick what we had for dinner."

"While I'm sure it is very well prepared," the Captain said diplomatically, "I have never been a fan of Hasperat. Do you have anything else I could have?"

"You happen to be in luck, Captain," Neelix said. "Crewman Celes told me that a lot of people don't like Hasperat, so I whipped up some vegetable soup."

"Sounds good to me," Captain Janeway said in relief. Soup shouldn't upset her stomach. Neelix gave her a bowl of soup and a piece of bread.

"How about you, Commander?" Neelix said to the First Officer. "Hasperat or soup?"

"Hasperat is one of my favorites," Chakotay said with a smile.

"Coming right up!" Neelix said happily.

Once Chakotay got his food, they two sat down. They talked about the ship and the crew and many other topics while they ate. Thankfully, Kathryn did not get ill from the food.

They were soon done with their dinner and on their way to the first of many prenatal exams. They didn't speak on their way there. They were both too focused on their own thoughts.

They reached the Sick Bay and activated the Doctor.

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency," came his customary greeting as he materialized in front of the Captain and Chakotay. "Ah, Captain. Ready for your- Commander, what are you doing here?"

"We're here to see how our baby is doing," Chakotay informed the hologram.

"Your… Ah, well, let's get started shall we?" the Doctor said. "First, I am going to scan the fetus to determine how far along you are and make sure that everything is running smoothly."

"Doctor," Chakotay said as the EMH began the scan, "can you test the baby's genes yet?"

"Yes," he replied as he studied the readings on the medical tricorder, "why do you ask?"

"I have a gene that, well, I call it the Crazy Gene," Chakotay responded. "It caused my grandfather to go insane when I was a child. My mother's doctor suppressed the gene in me before I was born. I want to make sure that the baby doesn't suffer like my grandfather did."

"Of course, Commander," the Doctor said. He tapped the tricorder and waited a moment while the scan was completed. "The test was positive for the gene. However, I can suppress it with a simple procedure."

"And the baby will be ok?" Kathryn asked worriedly. "It won't hurt the baby, will it?"

"The baby will be better than ok," the Doctor smiled. "It will be as healthy as can be."

"When will you do the procedure?" Chakotay asked.

"I can do it any time you want," the physician replied. "I would like to do it sooner rather than later but it is up to you."

"I'll get back to you when I know my schedule for the next few days," Kathryn said. The Doctor looked at her skeptically. "I know I am not known for my…promptness when it comes to medical attention but I will **not **do anything to endanger my baby."

"How is the baby otherwise?" Chakotay quickly asked, hoping to divert any anger Kathryn might be feeling.

The hologram said, "Other than the genetic modification needed, you have a perfectly healthy 7 week old baby growing. So far, I see no problems occurring in your pregnancy."

"I have prepared a schedule of check-ups, as well as some material similar to what I gave to Ensign Wildman to read about pregnancy, breastfeeding, et cetera. I exchanged the Ktarian-Human information for just human birth and pregnancy information, however," the Doctor told the expectant parents.

"You're pregnant?" Kes asked from behind them. "Congratulations!"

"I, uh, yes, we are," the Captain replied. "I didn't even hear you come in."

"Oh, I'm sorry, Captain," Kes said, alarmed. "I didn't mean to intrude. I came in through the other door. I just came in here looking for a dermal regenerator. Neelix burned his hand on a pot of soup."

"It's alright, Kes," Chakotay told the young Ocampan. "Just, please, don't tell anyone."

"Oh, of course not, Commander," Kes assured him. "I would never tell anyone something like that. Not even Neelix."

"Thank you, Kes," the Captain said with a smile.

"As I was about to say," the Doctor continued once Kes had left, "I also designed a few holodeck programs for expecting parents. They address issues such as diaper changing, feeding, and more."

"Is that all?" Chakotay asked the Doctor as the Captain skimmed the padd the Doctor had handed her.

"Just one more thing," he replied. He walked over to the computer console and tapped the controls. All of a sudden, an image appeared above the console. It looked a bit like a tadpole but in a little over seven months it would be—

"The baby," Kathryn and Chakotay whispered at the same time.


	6. Chapter 6

The two were still in awe as they walked back to their quarters. They couldn't believe that they had actually seen their baby. Of course, to anyone else, it would have just looked like an alien but to its parents, it was the most beautiful, precious thing in the world.

Both the Commander and the Captain were busy for the next few days. They didn't get much chance to talk to each other. In fact, the only chance they did get to talk was to discuss ship's business and to have Chakotay badger Kathryn to eat right and to get plenty of sleep.

Four days after they had both found out about the baby, Tuvok became ill. He had repressed a traumatizing memory and, now that it had resurfaced, he was in danger of having a T'lokan Schism which would lead to his death. The only treatment available to Tuvok was for him to perform a mind-meld with someone he trusted completely. The only person that fulfilled that requirement was Captain Janeway. Mind-melds rarely had negative side effects, so she didn't hesitate to help one of her closest friends. Unfortunately, this mind-meld was one of those rare times that something went horribly wrong.

Tuvok had gotten worse after the first mind-meld they had attempted. After he had recovered enough to attempt a second mind-meld was when everything went wrong. Their neural patterns became linked and they were caught in the mind-meld. If the mind-meld wasn't broken, Tuvok would die and the Captain would suffer brain damage.

"Kes to Commander Chakotay," Kes said as she tapped her commbadge.

"Chakotay here," came the Commander's voice.

"I think that you may want to come to Sick Bay," Kes said. "Something's gone wrong with the mind-meld between Tuvok and the Captain."

"On my way," Chakotay said as he rushed towards Sick bay.

He got there in time to see the Doctor give Kathryn a burst of Thoron radiation. To her, it wouldn't damage her in any way, but a developing baby was a very different story.

"The virus protein structures are breaking down," the Doctor told Kes. "It's dying. Increase Thoron radiation to 80 kilodynes, 15 seconds. Now." A pause. "Again."

"What are you doing?" Chakotay asked in alarm. "What about the baby?"

"Commander, I'm sorry, but this is the only choice," the Doctor said as he gave the second burst. "If we hadn't done this, she would have permanent brain damage. She could have ended up a vegetable. There is very little chance that it will affect the baby; the radiation was nowhere near the fetus."

Chakotay stood back and watched helplessly as the Doctor managed to kill the virus and break the mind-meld. He was thrilled when the Doctor told him that Kathryn was going to be fine but he was feeling like he was going to be sick if he didn't find out about the baby.

"Kathryn!" Chakotay exclaimed when he saw her eyes open.

"I'm fine, Chakotay," she replied. When he knelt down by her chair and looked at her worriedly with his big brown eyes, she assured him, "I'm fine, honestly. You don't need to worry about me."

"I'm not worried about you anymore," Chakotay whispered. "The Doctor had to use Thoron radiation to break the mind-meld."

Her face paled. She realized what he meant immediately. "Check the baby now, Doctor!"

The hologram looked like he was miffed at the tone the Captain used but he was smart enough to say nothing. He began scanning her abdomen while the developing baby's parents waited with baited breathe.

"Your baby is fine, Captain, Commander," the Doctor informed them. "The radiation didn't cause any form of damage."

Kathryn and Chakotay were so relieved that they hugged each other. They very soon realized that there were three other people in the room watching them.

"It would appear," Tuvok began in his emotionless voice, "that congratulations are in order. "Captain," he inclined his head, "Commander."

"Thank you, Tuvok," the Captain said to her friend, "but please, don't tell anyone about this."

"I will not, Captain," Tuvok assured her.

The Doctor cleared his throat and the occupants of the room looked at him. "It's clearly a viral parasite of some kind buts its origin and genome classification are not on record.

"We were able to kill it using Thoron radiation," Kes inserted.

"What do you know about it?" asked the Captain.

"The virus thrives on peptides generated in the brain," the hologram informed his Commanding Officers. "It evades the body's immune system by disguising itself as a memory engram."

"Apparently, the parasite used a childhood memory of the falling girl as camouflage," Kes informed the group.

"Creating a false memory," the Doctor said, "so traumatic that the mind would repress it and that's where it would live, in person after person, hiding in a part of the brain that the conscious mind would want to avoid at all costs."

"When it sensed the death of the host," the Captain realized, "it would leave to find another."

Tuvok commented, "That's why it migrated from Valtane to me."

"What about the girl?" Kes asked the Doctor. "Did she ever really exist or did the organism invent the memory?"

"Memory is a tricky thing," the EMH mused. "If it was a real event, it's been buried and twisted so many times there's no way to tell what really happened."

"Thank you, Doctor," the Captain said.

With her leading the way, she, Tuvok, and Chakotay left the Sick Bay. In the corridor, she asked Tuvok more about what she saw in his memories but, after he had answered her, they parted ways. Tuvok went, presumably, to his quarters while the Captain and Chakotay began walking towards their own quarters.


	7. Chapter 7

They soon reached the corridor where both Kathryn and Chakotay had their quarters. Chakotay's door was the first one they reached.

"Would you like to come in for some tea?" he asked his companion. "Or perhaps a cup of decaffeinated coffee?"

"Tea sounds good," she responded. "I could really use something to calm my nerves."

Chakotay lead them into his quarters and motioned for her to sit on the couch. He ordered a blend of tea from his tribe and asked Kathryn what kind she would like. When he had made her a cup of her favorite peach flavored tea, he sat next to her on the couch.

Kathryn sipped her tea quietly. She wasn't sure what to say. Thankfully, Chakotay broke the uncomfortable silence for her.

"I don't think I have ever been more scared in my life," he whispered.

"I don't think I have either," she confessed. "When you told me about the radiation I felt like I was in a turbo lift that had gone into freefall."

"It's not only that," Chakotay told her. "When the Doctor told that that you could have ended up brain dead…"

Chakotay stopped. His throat was tight. He could feel tears burning the backs of his eyes. He brought his hand up to rub the imminent tears. He knew that he shouldn't be so emotional. Kathryn and their baby weren't in any danger any more. But how long would it be before they were in danger again?

The burning feeling wouldn't leave. He felt the tears pooling at the corners of his eyes and tumbling down his cheeks.

"Oh, Chakotay!" Kathryn murmured. She cupped his handsome face in her hand. "Please, don't be so upset. The baby and I are fine."

"I know you are now," he said, looking down, tears still coursing down his tanned cheeks, "but what about the next time something happens that puts you or the baby in danger? You or the baby or you both may not be ok. I don't know what I would do if something happened to either of you. The baby may not be born yet, but I still love it. And you."

Kathryn wasn't sure what she could say to him. She wanted to tell him something that would ease his worries but, if truth be told, there probably wasn't anything anyone could say.

"I just want to lock you in your quarters until we are back home," he mumbled. "It's the safest thing I can think of and I know it's ridiculous but I can't help it. If anything happens to either of you…" he trailed off.

"Well," Kathryn responded, wanting so desperately to do or say something that would get that look of despair off his face, "I don't think locking me in my quarters will work. I still have a ship to run, after all but what if I agree not to go on any away missions until after the baby is born?"

"I would feel better if you agreed not to go on any away missions ever," he said wiping his now stemmed tears off his face and giving her a small smile, "but I guess that will do."

Kathryn removed her hand from his face and sipped her tea some more. Now that their previous conversation was resolved, she found she had a million things she wanted to say. She wasn't sure which one should come first, so she picked the first thing she had thought of.

"You know, Chakotay," she began, "I know that we have both been extremely busy this past week but we really haven't talked about what happened the night I told you about the baby."

"What do you mean?" he asked, taking a drink of his lukewarm tea.

"Well," she said slowly, "you told me that you were I love with me and I told you that I was in love with you and we kissed. Generally, after confessions of love, something else happens. That's not the end of it."

"Ah," the former Maquis said. "Well, if you must know, I have been planning something for us to do for this Saturday. A date. It was supposed to be a complete surprise but I guess it's not anymore."

"A date, hmm?" She sat up straighter. "What ever could it be?" she speculated. "If I guess what it is, will you tell me?"

"No," he smiled mischievously. "You'll just have to be patient."

"How about if I order you to tell me?" she said playfully.

He shook his head.

"I could have you thrown in the brig for insubordination, you know," she teased. "You wouldn't get out until we were at Starfleet Command for your court martial. Seventy years in the brig wouldn't be very fun."

"But then you would never know what the surprise is," Chakotay argued, playing along.

"I guess I will just have to suffer until Saturday, then," Kathryn sighed.

"Yes, you will," Chakotay laughed.


	8. Chapter 8

Kathryn couldn't wait to see what Chakotay had planned for Saturday. She had been thinking of countless possible scenarios of what this date could entail but, so far, she hadn't been able to think of one that she was sure would be their date.

At 1700 hours, she received a message from Chakotay telling her to be ready for their date in an hour and to wear something slightly dressy.

She decided on a light green dress that she had replicated some time ago for an event that she couldn't quite remember and a pair of brown sandals.

After she showered and fixed her hair onto an elegant ponytail, she got dressed and only had to wait a few minutes before there was a chime at her door. She glided to the door and hit the pad to open it.

Chakotay was speechless. The green of the dress made her eyes sparkle and her red hair stand out even more than usual.

"Kathryn, I— you look beautiful," Chakotay said, stumbling over the words. He grinned at the shy smile and the slight blush that blossomed on her pale cheeks.

Inwardly, she was elated. She had been awkward in her teen years. She was short, overweight, and had terrible acne, no matter what hypospray, cream, or gel the doctor had given her. She had a late growth spurt at age 17 and the acne went away around when she entered her second year at the academy but she had still always felt ugly and insecure. Justin had only told her that she was pretty occasionally and Mark, just a handful of times. She had always felt that they were obligatory compliments, not sincere because they always came after her asking leading questions about her looks or clothes. Chakotay, however, had not been expected to say that. She hadn't said a word to him. He had just said it.

"Thank you, Chakotay," Kathryn said. "So, are you going to tell me yet?"

Chakotay smirked and shook his head. "You will just have to wait. It will only be a few minutes to the holodeck."

Kathryn scowled. She huffed and followed Chakotay out of her quarters and down the hall.

They made small talk on the way to the holodeck. Once they were there, Chakotay tapped in some commands to the computer and told her to close her eyes. She sent him a mock-angry glare and complied. He took her hands and led her into the holodeck.

"Open your eyes," he whispered.

As soon as she did, she started hearing sounds as well. The waves were lapping at the shore, people were talking, and shuttles were flying overhead.

"San Francisco!" the normally reserved captain cried. "Oh, Chakotay, I can't believe this!"

"We're going to my favorite restaurant," Chakotay told her as he led her away from the beach and closer to the buildings. "Don't worry; they have plenty of non-vegetarian choices for you."

"Excellent," she smiled.

They entered the restaurant and were seated at a small, private table near the windows where they had a lovely view of the bay.

The pair looked through the menu, speaking occasionally. Soon the holographic waiter came up and took their orders. He returned almost immediately with a bottle of sparkling grape juice (no synthehol for the pregnant woman) and a basket of hot French bread.

They talked about nothing in particular, just stories from earlier in life and the like. Eventually, the topic of the baby came up.

"I've always wanted to be a father," Chakotay said softly. "Seska told me she was pregnant once and I was so thrilled but it was a false alarm. I was so crushed. I had already decided what I was going to name it when I found out."

"What did you want to name it?" Kathryn asked before taking a bite of her meal.

"Kolopak, after my father, if it was a boy," Chakotay told her, "and I always like flower names for a girl. Like Violet or Rose. My favorite is Lily though. But I also liked Lucy. I would like to name my children after my sisters and brothers that were killed but there are so many of them. I could never name a child after one sibling and not the others.

"What about you?" he asked in return.

"Well, I hadn't much thought about names, to be honest," she said slowly. "I wanted children, of course, but I never thought I would have any. No, wait, that's not true. I thought that Justin and I would have children but after he—Anyways, when I was with Mark, I was so invested in my career and I could tell he never really wanted kids. He was good enough with my sister's kids, I suppose but he didn't like spending time with them.

"I like the name Gregory for a boy but ever since my father…I want to give a son my father's name. I think Bailey and Aubrey are lovely names but I could never quite settle on one name for a girl."

"Well," Chakotay smiled, "we have plenty of time to pick out names that we both agree with."

They talked a bit more about various things and they were soon done with their dinner. Chakotay led Kathryn out of the restaurant and down the street towards the beach. Waiting for them on the sand was a blanket with a champagne bucket full of ice and sparkling cider, Next to the bucket was a platter with lots of chocolate covered strawberries, bananas, and cherries.

'Oh, how romantic!' the captain thought as they sat down to their dessert. They talked and joked and playfully fed each other pieces of fruit.

After they were finished, they both laid back on the blanket. Chakotay slid his arm around the red head and she snuggled into his embrace, laying her head on his shoulder. A moment later, fireworks began bursting in the sky overhead. Kathryn gasped in delight as she saw the brilliant colors and intricate patterns above. Chakotay smiled at her innocent, childlike happiness that he had only ever seen one other place; on New Earth. Never had he seen Kathryn, the captain, this happy. She sometimes looked and acted happy but he could always tell that it was only on the surface, that she wasn't truly happy. He leaned over and gently kissed the woman he loved on the top of the head. She looked up at him and smiled before turning back to the fireworks.


	9. Chapter 9

Chakotay awoke with a start at the sound of the holodeck door hissing open and someone walking in. The footsteps abruptly stopped and Chakotay heard someone say, "Holy…" That was when he decided to sit up and see who it was. He slid his arm out from under Kathryn very carefully and turned to see who it was.

Standing behind the duo was Tom Paris. His mouth was slightly open and he had a shocked expression on his face.

"Uh, Chakotay, I, um…" the helmsman trailed off.

"Shh, come over here," Chakotay whispered. He led the other man over to other side of the holodeck.

"Chakotay," Tom said softly, "I am so sorry. I was looking for you to give you some reports. I didn't mean to, um, interrupt anything."

"You weren't interrupting what you were implying you were interrupting," Chakotay growled. "We were on a date and we fell asleep."

"Oh," Tom said. "When did you and the Captain start dating?"

"It's a bit more complicated than that," Chakotay answered vaguely.

"How can it be complicated?" Tom asked, smirking.

Chakotay didn't know why he did it but he confessed all the details of what he and the Captain had been going through.

"When the Captain and I were on New Earth we began to have a personal relationship," the Mayan said softly. "One thing led to another and we ended up, well, doing what you thought we were doing just now. When we came back to the ship, though, she back pedaled and ended our relationship. I didn't say anything because I was sure she wouldn't change her mind but about a week ago everything changed. She's pregnant, Tom, and admitted she was as much in love with me as I am with her. She said the only reason she had ended it was because she didn't think that she would be able to be in charge of me and potentially put me in danger if we were together."

Tom was speechless. He could barely wrap his mind around the fact that they had both finally admitted that they were in love. He had always been able to tell that they had feelings for each other but over time he had decided that they would probably never act on those feelings. Now he was hearing that not only have they acted on it but they had _really _acted on it and now there was going to be a little one running around the ship.

"Congratulations, Chakotay," Tom managed to say. "I am so happy for the both of you. You are going to make a great father. Your son or daughter is going to be one very, very lucky child. I couldn't think of someone who would make a kinder, more patient or more loving father."

Chakotay was floored. He and Tom had never gotten along. He had never expected the man to say something so nice to him.

"Thank you, Tom," he said softly and sincerely. "I think that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me. I hope you are right. I need to ask you to be discreet about this, however. Kathryn and I haven't told the crew yet. The only person that's been told besides you is the Doctor and Kes and Tuvok found out by accident."

"I won't tell anyone, Chakotay, I swear," Tom said. He looked at his shoes and said hesitantly, "I know that you don't like me very much and that my word probably doesn't mean anything but I wouldn't tell someone a secret that you or anyone has trusted me with. I want for you to trust me. I wouldn't do anything to make you distrust me any more than you already do."

Again, Chakotay was floored. Tom had always acted like a confident playboy who didn't seem to care what other people think. He was beginning to think that the Tom everyone saw and the real Tom, the Tom he was just now seeing, were very different people and that he liked this Tom much better than the Tom everyone saw.

"If you, you know, need to talk to someone or just need to get away from ship responsibilities and all the stress you must be feeling, you can come to me anytime," Tom said quietly, again looking down at his shoes, much like a small child. "I know that we aren't friends, hell, we barely get along most of the time, but I would like to change that. I admire your dedication and caring and I want us to maybe be friends, if you think that could ever happen."

Chakotay smiled at the vulnerable looking crew member in front of him and put a hand on his shoulder. "You know what, Tom? I think that I've misjudged you. All I have ever seen is the arrogant, cocky you that only seems to care about himself, never this you, the **real **you, that is kind and sensitive. And I like this you. I think that if you act more like this around everyone, you will have a lot more real friends instead of people who just want to have fun, not a real relationship. If you did, I know that I would count you as one of my good friends."

Tom smiled slightly but said, "I don't know if I can, Chakotay. I used to be this person and it never got me anything other than made fun of in school and yelled at at home. The Tom that I am now, maybe he doesn't have many real friends, but at least he doesn't get verbally attacked and mocked."

Chakotay wondered what to say to Tom to reassure the younger man. "Tom," he began, "I can't tell you for sure that no one will ever do things like that again. I don't think they will but I can't see into the future. What I do know is that I would like you much better if you behaved how you did tonight and I am certain many others would as well. You don't have to give up being a fun person to be around, but if you gave up the cocky attitude, I think that it would make a world of difference in how people perceive you."

"Maybe you're right, Chakotay," Tom said thoughtfully. "Sorry for interrupting your date."

The commander watched as the helmsman walked out of the holodeck and then returned to where his date and the love of his life lay.


	10. Chapter 10

As he lay there, the Mayan man relished the peace he was feeling. It had been a while since he had felt so relaxed.

Time passed and Chakotay felt himself start to drift off. The gentle lapping of the waves on shore and being so relaxed made him very sleepy but he knew that he and Kathryn couldn't stay there.

"Kathryn," he whispered, trying to rouse her from the land of nod. "Kathryn, wake up."

"What is it?" she mumbled, eyes still closed.

"We need to get back to our quarters," he answered.

"Do we have to?" she moaned but sat up anyways.

"Tom came in while we were asleep," Chakotay said after Kathryn had had a moment to let the sleepy fog lift.

"What did you tell him?" she asked, hints of curiosity and worry in her voice.

"I, uh, told him…everything," Chakotay said hesitantly. He wasn't sure if she was going to blow up or be ok with; her moods had started to be a bit erratic at times.

"Well," she sighed, not looking happy about it but not angry either, "he would have found out eventually."

"We have to decide when to tell the whole crew," the father-to-be pointed out. "Sooner or later, you're going to start showing and, personally, I would rather tell everyone before it becomes obvious and everyone starts talking and speculating."

"We have to wait until after the twelfth week," Kathryn declared adamantly.

"Why?" the Mayan asked in confusion.

"It's bad luck," she replied, giving him a 'what is wrong with you?' look.

"Ah," Chakotay nodded like he understood perfectly even though it sounded crazy to him.

"It's an old superstition," she further explained, smiling a little. "If you tell before the end of the first trimester, something bad will happen to the baby. It seems silly but most miscarriages happen in that time so it makes a little sense that our ancestors would have thought it was bad luck."

"It does make some sense, I suppose," Chakotay agreed. "I don't really know about any superstitions my people have regarding pregnancy but there is a ritual that used to be performed when the child was about three months old."

"Oh, tell me about it," the requested with a light in her eyes at the thought of learning a new bit of information about a somewhat mysterious culture.

Chakotay was disappointed in himself. He didn't really remember what the ritual entailed, just that it took place when the infant was roughly three months old. If he was honest with himself, the Mayan had never paid much attention to the traditions of his people. As a young man, he was more focused on his future rather than his past.

He told Kathryn as much but he assured her that he would look up the all the traditions that he could find that his people had involving pregnancy and infants.

"Don't worry about it," the sleepy woman brushed of the tan skinned man's apology. "Just let me know when you find out. I want to celebrate as much of your culture and traditions as we can. This child is a mix of both of us and I want him or her to know about as much of each of our heritages as possible."

"I do, too," Chakotay agreed softly.

They were silent for a moment, both caught up in their thoughts of their future child.

Kathryn broke the silence by yawning. Chakotay chuckled and said, "Come on, we really ought to head to our beds. It's late."

"You're right, I suppose," the captain sighed. "But I had such a good time with you. I just wish it didn't have to end."

"It doesn't," Chakotay murmured.

"What do you mean?" the captain inquired, sleep tingeing her voice even more.

"Tonight may have to come to an end," the strong, broad Indian explained, "but it is only one night. There will be hundreds of more nights and days that we can spend together, like we did tonight. We have the nights and the days of the rest of our life to spend together; we don't need to try to make this one last forever."

Kathryn was so moved by Chakotay's heartfelt words that tears welled up in her eyes. She let out a soft sob of happiness and threw her arms around the man she loved. The pair stayed in the embrace for many moments but Chakotay finally broke from the wondrous feeling of being in his beloved's arms to lean in and kiss her.

Again, the kiss left the pair breathless. It was not a heavy, physical kiss but the sheer amount of emotions left them both reeling. Neither Chakotay nor Kathryn had ever experienced such a kiss. It was almost as if, for one brief moment in time, their souls joined together and they became as one.

Unfortunately, the kiss was broken and the feeling dissipated when both parties broke away, gasping for the air that had somehow become nonexistent while they were entwined with each other.

Like Chakotay said, this night had to end but that kiss was the perfect way to finish off a perfect date.

~~~~~ST:V~~~~~

Kathryn Janeway woke up with a smile on her face. The usually stressed commanding officer couldn't remember the last time she slept so well.

After Chakotay had walked her to her door last night, she slipped out of the dress and into her night gown and fell instantly to sleep. While in the land of nod, she dreamt about their lives, beginning from that evening. She saw dates, their wedding, the birth of their son, and the birth of two other children although their sexes were unknown. She saw the ship returning to Earth, how she was unsure. She saw their home on Earth and children, their grandchildren, running around the yard, laughing and playing while Chakotay sat with her on the porch and held her.

It was the most wonderful dream Kathryn had ever had. It was the only time she had ever experienced what felt like perfection and it felt good. Hopefully, that was what her and Chakotay's life together would be like.

~~~~~ST:V~~~~~

Chakotay could barely sleep that night. He lay awake, immersed in his memories from that night and the imaginings of what the future held for them.

When he did fall asleep, he had marvelous dreams of their life. Children, Earth, a home, grandchildren. It was all there. Everything he had ever wanted for himself.

When the Native American did awaken, it was with a smile on his face. Chakotay felt like he could walk on air today. Nothing was going to get him down.


	11. Chapter 11

Kathryn Janeway fell into her bed with a moan. It had been a harrowing week to say the least.

The last week was filled with one disaster after another. It all started when they met the Akritirians.

They were a cruel people. Their government was harsh and oppressive. Not only did the crew have to deal with these strict authoritarians but they also had to endure the rebellion that was actively fighting the government.

Despite the deplorable state of the civilization's domineering bureaucracy, Kathryn Janeway could deal with that. She could, that is, until the rebellion caused two of her bridge officers to be incarcerated for an act of terrorism and sentenced to life in a deadly prison that was nearly impossible to find.

Fortunately, they managed to find the real terrorists and Chakotay, Tuvok, and Baxter, another security officer, were able to liberate Ensign Kim and Lieutenant Paris before they completely were under the control of an odious device that was known only as The Clamp. It was a bit tense with Tom Paris, who had been stabbed while in the prison, but in the end he was fine.

The exhausted captain flipped over onto her stomach and felt a strange sensation. Her abdomen was…hard. Well, not hard exactly, like the metal that made up much of the ship, but firm, like a tensed muscle.

'Actually,' Kathryn thought, 'my uniform pants have seemed a bit snug the last few days.'

Then, the petite woman realized what it was and it thrilled her. She felt pregnant. Of course, she _knew _it but up until now, she hadn't _felt _it. Despite having morning sickness and turning into an emotional rollercoaster, Kathryn never really felt like she was pregnant until she felt the subtle tightening in her abdomen.

She flipped over again and rested her small hands on her still flat stomach. Barely, _just barely _could the small container that held the most precious possession Kathryn Janeway could ever have be felt. It was comforting, in a way, to be able to feel where her baby was growing, thought the expecting mother. It made it more real, more tangible. Less like the abstract idea it had been up until now.

Kathryn was sure how long she lay there, trying with all her might to feel something more that the solidness in her lower abdomen, something more…baby-like, she supposed, when her door chimed.

Jolted out of her near meditative state, the captain jumped off her bed. She wasn't expecting anyone, so she had no idea who it was.

"Come in," Kathryn called. The door hissed open and revealed the surprise visitor.

"Hello, Kathryn," Chakotay greeted her with a smile.

"Chakotay!" It might have been a surprise but it was certainly a welcome one.

"Are you up for a little company tonight?" inquired the casually dressed Mayan man. "I thought we could stay here and relax. It's been a long week."

"Yes, it has," the physically and mentally tired woman agreed as she gestured for her recently declared love into the room.

As Kathryn turned and walked to her couch when she heard the telltale beeps of someone tapping a console.

"What're you-" she began as she twisted around to see what her first officer was doing.

What she saw took her breath away.

There, on her table, was the most romantic thing she had ever seen. Her previously bare table was now set with a beautifully delicate white lace tablecloth sprinkled with red rose petals. There were two red candles in silver candle stick holders flanking a small vase with a mixture of white and red flowers. There were wine glasses and a wine bucket filled with ice to chill the bottle of…something for them to drink. At each place was a silver dish covering up their meal.

"Oh, Chakotay!" the amazed woman gasped. "This is wonderful!"

"Why don't you go change into something more comfortable than your uniform," Chakotay suggested.

Kathryn acquiesced and disappeared into the bathroom to change. When she reappeared, she had shed her black and red uniform for a blue, knee-length dress and abandoned her heavy black boots for bare feet.

Chakotay rose from his seat on the couch and joined Kathryn by the table. As he pulled out a chair for her, he said, "You look lovely."

"Thank you," she blushed, looking down slightly. Chakotay internally frowned at Kathryn's discomfort with compliments but he decided that he was probably overreacting.

He took his seat across from the Indiana native and said, "Would you like some sparkling water? I thought about having sparkling pomegranate juice, but it doesn't really go with our meal."

"I would love some," Kathryn answered, holding out her wine glass.

When the drinks were poured, she asked, "So, what are we eating?"

"Lift the cover and find out," Chakotay replied with a flirty smirk.

She did and immediately smelled something absolutely mouthwatering. Inside of a clear glass bowl was a creamy, off-white broth with lots dark bits swimming around. It had a rich, earthy smell, just like mushrooms.

"This smells heavenly!" Kathryn exclaimed as she dipped her spoon into the thick soup. She brought the spoon to her lips and her eyes lit up when she tasted the hearty, meaty flavor of the mushrooms and the salty, smooth cream base.

"It tastes even better," she told her date with a smile. "You have to tell me what replicator recipe you used to make this."

"I didn't replicate it," Chakotay informed her in between two bites of the soup. "I made it with some mushrooms from the airponics bay. I got most of the other ingredients from Neelix, although I did have to replicate the cream. Mushroom soup is my favorite food; I don't dare trust the replicator to make it as good as I can."

"Maybe I need to reconsider your position on this ship, Chakotay," Kathryn commented with an amused glint in her eye. "You might have to replace Neelix in the Mess Hall."

Chakotay chuckled and smiled softly. Kathryn loved that smile. You could tell that it was genuine and true, not deceptively false like so many smiles could be. One of the things that the captain of Voyager loved most about her first officer was the way he wore his emotions close to the surface. She could always tell what he was feeling just from looking at his face. She could tell that he wasn't a man who was afraid to laugh or cry or scream in anger and pain.

"But when what would you do with Neelix?" Chakotay asked with that same, flirty little smirk. "Could you stand not having him occupied by cooking for the crew? He might take it on himself to become ships counselor or perhaps you own personal assistant. Do you think you could deal with that?"

"Goodness, no," Kathryn laughed. "I care for Neelix as much as any other crew member but I don't think I would be able to handle that much of him."

Chakotay laughed as well and the rest of the first course was spent talking about various crew members, memories of times on the ship, and a few memories were shared from the time before they had met.

When the second course arrived (thanks to some fancy transporter commands), Captain Kathryn Janeway was thrilled and again shocked at what a caring man she was with. Honestly, she could not be happier about how her life was going. Despite being stranded in the Delta Quadrant, she had found true love and was having the child she had always wanted but never thought she would have.

"My favorite!" Kathryn said with glee. "How did you know that Welsh Rabbit was my favorite?"

"I heard Neelix was asking around about what it was," Chakotay informed her. "He wanted to make it for you after he heard that it was your favorite from Quinn. I am afraid it isn't homemade, though. I had to replicate it since Neelix doesn't readily keep cheese after that incident and I had no clue how to make it. I would rather use the replicator that butcher your favorite food."

"Hey, I have no complaints about replicator use," the less than stellar chef replied. "Replicators are how I fed myself from the time I left home. I never quite got the hang of cooking. That fell more into my sister's realm of expertise. She's the artsy, creative one. I was the nerd."

"Really?" Chakotay asked sarcastically. "I never would have guessed it."

"Watch it," she teased back. "I may be in love with you and carrying your child but I am still your captain. That brig threat can still be acted upon."

In a rare moment of utter silliness, the Mayan stuck his tongue out at his dinner companion.

Kathryn laughed a full, hearty chuckle for a good while before she got down to devouring her most loved dish.

There wasn't as much talking during this course, just some more chatter about insignificant things, although more serious topics were on both minds. Things like where would the baby live? Would they live together? What was going to become of their relationship? What did they _want _to come of their relationship? How would this affect the crew? and How on earth was this going to work? were all things that flitted through both minds.

Fortunately, they had time to think about and discuss these things and both commanding officers were having much too good of a time to wish to hash that all out right then and there.

Dessert came, accompanied by that bottle of sparkling pomegranate juice Chakotay had mentioned earlier. Their dessert course was strawberry cheesecake and a drizzling of chocolate. Kathryn couldn't have been happier with the menu Chakotay picked out. She loved cheesecake and what woman doesn't like chocolate and strawberries?

Over dessert, things took a slightly more serious turn. The topic became family and Chakotay's was one filled with sorrow.

"The only person I have left is my sister, Sekaya," he informed his love. "I had two brothers and another sister but they all died in conflicts with the Cardassians. The only comfort I can take is that my parents did not have to suffer along with my sister and brothers and I thank the Spirits that Sekaya came to Earth with a man she met and later married."

"That's why you joined the Maquis." It wasn't a question. Kathryn knew, as soon as he said they had been killed that that was the reason. What else could cause a gentle, loving, and loyal soul like Chakotay to join a group of violent bandits?

"They raped my younger sister before they killed her," Chakotay said, his eyes beginning to shine and his voice taking on a strain and husky tone. "A survivor from the attack told me what happened. They raped her, this little, tiny, fifteen year old, over and over while my brothers were forced to watch before they smashed her head against a rock and threw her into a pile with all the other bodies."

Chakotay could no longer keep the tears from falling. His nearly finished dessert lay forgotten as tears tumbled down his dark cheeks and gut wrenching sobs escaped his lips. He had never really told anyone what had happened to his sister; beautiful, loving, innocent Emetalay.

When the tears began to fall, Kathryn, too, abandoned her dessert and went over to where her child's father sat. His head was in his hands and his body trembled with sorrow. She cautiously lay her hands on his and slowly began to remove them from his tortured face.

"Shhh," she murmured, sliding her arms into as good of an embrace as she could with him seated and her crouching next to him. "Shhh."

At first instinct, he stiffened. Despite being an open book, emotionally, Chakotay was a private person and he felt so very vulnerable right now. One of his darkest memories had just been revealed, something he wasn't sure he would ever tell anyone about. But then he realized that this was Kathryn, his beautiful, caring, understanding Kathryn. That though was all it took for the muscular man to collapse against his comforter.

He fell from his chair to his knees and allowed himself to be soothed by Kathryn's nonsensical words and warm, loving touches. She rubbed circles on his back with one hand and held his head against her shoulder with the other, allowing the hot, salty tears to soak into her dress.

They stay like this until Chakotay had all but exhausted himself. He was spent, emotionally and physically from finally letting out all the pent up and ignored feelings of hurt and anger and guilt and hate over his sister brutal and terrifying murder.

"I should go," he said hollowly. "I'm sorry for ruining our dinner. I meant for this to be a nice, relaxing, and romantic evening."

"You're not going anywhere," Kathryn insisted in a commanding and yet gentle voice. "You are in no place to be going off by yourself. All you will do is dwell on this. Stay here tonight."

"I don't think that is such a good idea," Chakotay feebly protested. "What would the crew think?"

"To hell with the crew for right now," Kathryn dismissed. "You are more important to me than the crew finding out about us before we out ourselves and if you really cared, you can transport to your own quarters tomorrow."

She finished her speech and effectively won the argument when she said, "I just want to help you stop hurting."


	12. Chapter 12

After sending Chakotay to sit on the couch, Kathryn recycled the cheesecake and put away the various other things like the table cloth, the candle sticks, and the wine bucket. The captain wasn't sure what had been replicated and what came from storage. Even if it had been replicated, there was no reason to recycle it. It was sure to come in handy for many crew members on their long journey home. There were already a fair few relationships blossoming. There was no doubt that they would like to have romantic meals together.

After finishing up her tidying, Kathryn joined Chakotay on the couch. She sat close to him but not quite touching, wanting to let him steer the rest of the evening's conversation.

The pained man did not speak. He sat there with his fists clenched in his lap and the burning glint of an emotionally tortured man in his eyes.

Kathryn gently slid her hands to lay on top of Chakotay's and squeezed, offering a comforting and firm presence to keep her lover from slipping too far into the memory of the tragic and disturbing story of his young sister's abuse and murder.

The Native American man's fists slowly relaxed and he returned Kathryn's grasp, squeezing back with enough force to make the smaller hand ache the slightest bit.

Suddenly, her hands were free and Chakotay had turned towards her. He slid his arms around Kathryn and held her tightly, burying his face in her shoulder. No more tears came but the first officer still shook with silent pain.

Kathryn held him firmly and stroked his dark hair until the Mayan pulled back. He took a few deep breaths before he opened his mouth to speak.

"I'm sorry, Kathryn," he sighed. "I don't know what came over me. I shouldn't have ruined our evening and I had no right to burden you with things from my past."

"You have nothing to apologize for," she countered. "And you have every right to share things from your past with me, be they happy or sad. That's what a relationship is about. Sharing in everything, good or bad, hard or easy, we'll get through it all together."

Chakotay let out the smallest smile and squeezed the petite hands, albeit much more gently than before.

"I still apologize for ending our dinner the way I did," he insisted. "I meant for it to be a nice, relaxing evening that the two of us could share. But when you mentioned your sister, I started thinking about my family and how much I miss them and I let my emotions get the better of me. Usually, I can control it but tonight I couldn't for some reason."

"I'm glad," Kathryn informed the six foot tall man that sat beside her. When he looked at her quizzically, she continued, "You aren't afraid to feel things and show that you feel them, like so many other men I have met are. That's one of the things that I like most about you. You let me see the real you, not the strong, macho façade that so many men seem to put up."

Chakotay didn't say anything in response. He simply put an arm around Kathryn's shoulders and pulled her into his side. He sighed in contentment. She fit there perfectly, her petite frame flush against his taller and much more muscular self.

"I've never told anyone about what happened to my sister," Chakotay said after a few moments in silence. "Whenever someone asked about my family, I just said that all of them but Sekaya died when our colony was attacked. I never got into specifics, like what happened to Emmie or how my brothers, Ikan and Alam, were forced to be laborers, disposing of bodies and catering to the Cardassians' whims until they rebelled and were killed. Alam was just nineteen and Ikan had a wife. I imagine she was killed in much the same fashion as Emmie. Her name was Amelia."

"It must have been very difficult for you to keep all of that horror and pain hidden," Kathryn commented, sensing that this was something that Chakotay needed to talk about.

"It was," he agreed softly. "I was so angry and in so much pain but I didn't know how to let it out. I had no one to talk to about it. Sekaya and I had had a fight about six months before. She thought that I needed to visit my father and apologize for…some words we had before I left for the Academy. She was like that, always looking out for us and telling us what to do and when we were being idiotic. Our father died a couple of months after Sekaya and I fought, before I had plucked up the nerve to apologize. That only made her angrier with me and then when the colony was attacked… We didn't speak for over a year after our siblings died but by that time, I didn't feel like I could bring it up. Our relationship was still so strained. I didn't feel like I had the right to bring up my pain and anger when it was my fault that Sekaya and I couldn't grieve together when my father died and again when my brothers and other sister died.

"That's when I joined the Maquis," he informed Kathryn. "I was so angry and the Maquis gave me the outlet to express all that anger and it gave me the added bonus of fighting against the people I hated, who had killed my family, my little brother and sister, who I was supposed to protect, and my older brother, the man I looked up to and went to when I needed help or advice."

Kathryn said nothing. She simply slid her arms around his stomach and held on tight so that he knew he wasn't alone any longer.

That was how the pair of commanding officers and expecting parents fell asleep.

~~~~~ST:V~~~~~

They awoke in the same position, more or less. Kathryn was still wrapped in his strong arms but sometime in the night, the Commander and the Captain had slumped over and, as a result, the latter was now using the former as a pillow. Her head rested on her love's pectoral muscle and her body was fitted comfortably between the back of the couch and Chakotay side.

"Mmm, morning," the brown haired woman mumbled with a small smile.

"Good morning," the Mayan yawned, stretching his arms and legs as far as they would go to try to relieve the stiffness that came from sleeping all night on a fairly firm couch.

"Next time you spend the night here," Kathryn said as she sat up and, too, stretched, "we are not sleeping on the couch. My knots have knots."

"So there's going to be a next time, hmm?" Chakotay grinned wolfishly. "Aren't I lucky."

"If you don't watch it," the mother of his unborn child challenged playfully, "the next time you get to spend the night won't be until this little one," she patted her flat stomach, "has little ones of his own."

"Is that so?" chuckled the caramel skinned man.

Kathryn smiled smugly but that didn't last for long because mere moments after her mock superiority showed, Chakotay managed to make it disappear.

It happened in an instant. One second Kathryn was sitting on the couch, smirking at the man she loved and the next, she was pinned beneath him, her lips captured by his in a smoldering kiss.

As soon as the small woman below him was able to realize what had happened and respond, he broke off the caress and leaned back.

"You can stay whenever you want," the thoroughly shocked woman breathed.

Chakotay smiled like the cat that got the canary.

"I think I'll take you up on that," he said, dipping his head to brush another light kiss on her rose colored lips, "but, right now, we need to get up and have some breakfast before our duty shift starts."

"Mmm," Kathryn groaned, sitting up as well. "I just hope that Neelix has prepared something good today."

"I say there's about a one in twenty chance of the happening," Chakotay predicted.

"You're probably right," the captain agreed, "but at least it is a good way to preserve energy and the food is usually very healthy."

"That's true," the first officer agreed. "I just wish it tasted a little better."

"Well, we won't know how good we'll fare today unless we get ready and go eat, now will we?" the Indianan pointed out.

"You're right," he agreed. "I'll transport to my quarters to change and meet you in the mess hall, alright?"

"Sounds good to me," she replied. "See you in a bit."

He called out a command and soon he had dematerialized. Kathryn began to get ready, starting with a sonic shower.

While she let the sonic pulses rid her of any dirt or other equally unwanted particles, she thought about last night. It had been the best night she could remember in a very long time. Better even than their date on the holodeck a few weeks ago.

The fact that Chakotay had felt comfortable enough to share what he had with her was a part of the reason, she decided. It had created such an intimacy between them to have Chakotay trust her so deeply and fully. It showed that he knew she would never hurt or betray him.

The other part that made the night so lovely was that she had slept in his arms. She had never felt safer or slept better than when she was in Chakotay's strong, tan arms.

It had only happened a few times on New Earth, them falling asleep together. Usually after they had an…encounter, they each went back to their own beds and that was mostly because Kathryn herself insisted on it. She was still of the mindset that they could find a cure and she didn't want to let herself get too attached to her former first officer. However, two times they did fall asleep together, both times when they had been out of doors, star gazing.

'I was so stupid,' Janeway thought. 'If I hadn't been so foolish and cowardly, we could have had this from the beginning.'

The shower beeped, signaling that she was clean, so she stepped out and grabbed her uniform.

Just as she was tying her boots, Kathryn received a message over the comm.

"Doctor to Captain Janeway," came the EMH's voice.

"Yes, Doctor?" she answered the call.

"It has been four weeks since our last appointment and you need to come back in for another checkup," the hologram informed his captain. "I would like to see you as soon as it is possible for you to come. I want to check to make sure that the genetic modification I performed hasn't reverted back to the original coding. It's rare but it can happen and if it has, I would like to redo the procedure as soon as possible. It becomes more dangerous to do after the first trimester."

"I understand doctor," Kathryn replied. "I can come down later today, after my duty shift is over. Will that work?"

"That will be fine, Captain," the nameless doctor confirmed. "I will see you and the Commander this evening."

"See you then," she ended the conversation.

With her boots now tied and her comm call over, Kathryn Janeway stood up and headed out the door.


	13. Chapter 13

That morning's breakfast wasn't as bad as some but it was no Eggs Benedict either.

Neelix had managed to make pancakes out of a grain they found on an uninhabited planet about a week ago. It had a grittier texture, a bit like sand, and it tasted vaguely like hazelnuts. Paired with the pancakes was syrup made from some berries that grew in the airponics bay.

Breakfast was a short affair for the two commanding officers. They ate quickly, speaking to each other occasionally.

As they walked to the bridge, Kathryn glanced around to check that no one was around before quietly informing Chakotay of the Doctor's comm.

"It's time for my next appointment with the Doctor," she said quietly. "I'm going after my duty shift is over."

"I'll meet you there," Chakotay replied. Kathryn gave him a small smile but before she could tell him how much it meant to her that he wanted to come with her but they then reached the turbolift and a group of ensigns emerged and their relative privacy disappeared.

A moment or two later, the pair was at the bridge and any and all private conversation had to be put on hold.

~~~~~ST:V~~~~~

The shift was finally over and it was time for Kathryn and Chakotay to get an update on their baby's progress.

The Captain left the bridge first, followed shortly by Commander Chakotay.

The two met up again in Sick Bay and activated the Doctor.

"Please state the nature of the medical emergency," the hologram greeted as he exited his office. "Ah, Captain, Commander."

Hello, Doctor," Chakotay returned.

"Ready to get started?" he asked the Captain. She nodded in affirmation so the Doctor continued, "Then please lay on the biobed and we can begin."

She did as she was asked and the EMH began scanning her with the medical tricorder.

Chakotay walked over to stand beside Kathryn as the Doctor moved the small device back and forth over the prone body on the bed.

"Well," the holographic man smiled, "your baby is a perfectly healthy eleven week and two day old fetus. I see no signs of the previous genetic abnormality, which is a very good sign. There is no longer any reason to worry about the resequencing reversing itself.

"In the four weeks before I see you both in here for another appointment," he continued, "you should feel the nausea begin to decrease and, eventually fade, if it hasn't already done so. Your abdomen will also begin to grow along with your baby, so you may have to start wearing a maternity uniform. At around the fourteenth week, you may experience some constipation," Kathryn blushed but the Doctor, who didn't notice her discomfort, kept right on, "due to certain hormone levels. This can be relieved with a hypospray, so feel free to come in if you need one.

"At your next appointment," the knowledgeable hologram went on informing the parents-to-be, "I will be able to tell you the sex of the baby, so you need to discuss this and decide if you want to know."

They both nodded in reply to the chief medical officer's suggestion.

Kathryn asked, "Is there anything else for today?"

"If you would like," the Doctor said, "you can hear the baby's heartbeat."

"Yes!" both Chakotay and Kathryn cried eagerly. They then turned to look at each other and smiled.

The doctor positioned the tricorder and almost instantly a gentle and steady whooshing noise filled the room.

"It sounds like a warp core," Chakotay commented softly.

"Or a hummingbird," Kathryn added.

"To me, it sounds like a very healthy little boy or girl," the Doctor informed his two C-Os.

He allowed the expectant parents to listen for a few moments longer before closing the tricorder and breaking the spell that the whooshing of their baby's heart had put them under.

"If you would like to listen to it again," the EMH Mark One offered, "I took the liberty of recording and saving the file under Janeway Medical File Alpha One. It can only be accessed by you right now, Captain, because my program prohibits authorizing others to see individual's medical files but you are free to authorize the Commander to access it as well.

"If you have no other questions, you are free to leave but you are free to stop by if anything comes up."

"Thank you, Doctor," Chakotay said gratefully.

"Yes, thank you," the still awestruck captain agreed.

With their good byes said, the two jubilant officers left the Sick Bay and headed to dinner in a daze.

~~~~~ST:V~~~~~

It was a good thing that the two had had last night together because Kathryn and Chakotay weren't able to spend much time together over the next few days.

The ship had run into an alien species that they called The Swarm. All that they could find out about them prior to entering their region was rumors Neelix had heard in his travels. Those rumors told of a highly territorial race and ships that went in, never to reappear again.

After some creative thinking from Harry Kim, they managed to disable the hostile ships and were back on their way towards the Alpha Quadrant.

On top of their rather frightening ordeal with The Swarm, the Doctor had suffered a catastrophic malfunction that caused him to lose all of his memories. All of his experiences and friendships seemed to be gone but thanks to Kes's tenacity and some creative collaboration from Lieutenant Torres and the Dr. Zimmerman hologram, the EMH would recover.

~~~~~ST:V~~~~~

In the days following the encounter with The Swarm, much of the crew's time was spent repair and rebuilding various things that had been damaged during their encounter. This left almost as little time for personal interaction.

When things had calmed down enough for some free time, Chakotay commed Kathryn and requested she meet him on Holodeck One at 1300 hours.

'I wonder what he wants,' the stressed out woman thought as she made her way to the holodeck.

She reached the doors to Holodeck One and once they had hissed open, she entered the room.

Next to a gently flowing stream, she saw a red and white checkered blanket. On top of the blanket sat a wooden picnic basket and Chakotay.

"What's this?" she asked with delight, a smile spreading on her lips to light up her whole face.

"I thought you could use a break from everything," Chakotay said, gesturing for her to take a seat beside him.

She did.

"I hope you don't mind a salad for lunch," the First Officer commented as he pulled a bowl from basket. Inside it was a medley of raw vegetables that were coated in an oil based dressing.

"It looks good," Kathryn assured him. "I may like meat but I was raised on farm-fresh vegetables. Many a night's dinner consisted entirely of vegetables like corn on the cob, fresh tomatoes, and whatever else happened to come out of the garden."

"That's how it was with my family when I was a child," Chakotay informed the woman sitting next to him as he pulled two glasses and a metal flask from the basket. "My mother tried to cook with vegetables as much as she could. She usually left dishes involving meat until vegetables weren't as plentiful."

"You haven't always been a vegetarian, then?" she inquired before taking a bite of the salad. Her eyes widened as the crisp vegetables covered in the tangy and slightly salty dressing touched her tongue.

"This is delicious!" the Indiana born woman exclaimed.

"I'm afraid I can't take all of the credit," Chakotay admitted. "The vegetables are from Kes's airponics bay and I got the dressing from Neelix. And no, I haven't always been a vegetarian. I ate meat as a child but I kind of just stopped when I got older. I was never terribly fond of meat. I never liked the idea of eating animals."

"I never liked the idea of consuming animal flesh either," Kathryn revealed sheepishly. "Unfortunately, I like how it tastes too much to give it up."

Chakotay chuckled.

The pair continued to talk, telling each other stories of the past few days and any ship gossip they had heard.

The salad was finished and Chakotay produced some fruit salad from the basket for dessert. Once that went the same way as the vegetables, they began to discuss something of more substance.

"We need to tell the crew soon," Chakotay stated, moving to lean his back against the tree they were picnicking beneath.

"I know," the Captain replied, also adjusting her position so that she sat in front of Chakotay and could lean back into his strong, broad chest.

"According to the Doctor, you will start showing soon," the First Officer said wrapping his arms loosely around the beautiful woman that was seated between his outstretched legs. "I think it's best to let everyone know before the little one makes himself known. Rumors would start and some people might start to think…badly of you."

"I agree that we need to tell the crew before I begin to show," Kathryn agreed. "The last thing we need is rumors to start circulating about what people think happened."

"You're twelfth week is started today," he recalled, "and you wanted to wait until the twelfth week passed. How about we tell everyone a week from today? We can call a ship-wide announcement and explain about New Earth and what that led to. I've been hearing speculations about that every so often since we returned; it would be a good thing to set everyone straight."

"Sounds like a good idea," she concurred. "I'll have to think about what to say so that we don't co e off sounding like teenagers who were sneaking around behind our parents' backs."

Chakotay chuckled. "I would have loved to see you sneaking out at night."

"I had a rebellious streak," the normally protocol following captain assured him. "I think every child of an admiral does. Mostly I just went out with friends. We didn't do anything illicit. Usually."

She sent him a wily smile and he laughed even harder.

"That's better than me," Chakotay devulged. "I'm afraid I was a rather…ornery child. According to my father, it started the second I was born. I decided to let everyone know by coming out feet first."

"I hope that our baby isn't so contrary," Kathryn laughed as well.

Chakotay let out another chuckle but soon became more composed.

"We also need to decide if we want to know if we're having a boy or a girl," he mentioned. "What do you think?"

Kathryn pursed her lips as she thought about it. In her gut, she had a feeling that it was a boy. There was no real reason for her feeling but something told her, maybe that strange but wonderful dream, that she and Chakotay would have a son. But did she want to know whether she was right?

"I don't think I want to know," the Commander offered when Kathryn didn't respond to his question. "I want to be surprised."

"I do, too," Kathryn finally decided, "but I have a feeling I already know."

"Oh, really?" Chakotay said. "I have a feeling that I know, too. I think we're going to have a boy."

"Maybe we're right," the expectant mother mused. "I think we're having a boy, as well."

"Well, we'll just have to wait about six more months to find out," the Mayan man declared.

Kathryn let her hands rest on her abdomen. The previously small firmness had now grown and was much more easily felt. It seemed to be about the size of an orange, maybe a grapefruit.

"I can't believe that in six months our little one will be here," she whispered.

A larger hand moved to cover her small one.

"I can't either," Chakotay murmured as he pressed a kiss into her long, brown locks. "Six more months before we're a family."


	14. Chapter 14

The next week passed in a blur and before they knew it, it was time for the Captain and the Commander to reveal their relationship.

The day of the announcement came early for Kathryn Janeway. She found that she could barely sleep the night before and when she awoke much too early for her shift on the bridge, she couldn't fall back to sleep.

After trying for nearly an hour to drift off again, the sleep deprived woman got up and decided to go for an early breakfast.

The Mess Hall was empty when she entered save Neelix who was happily whisking a bowl of eggs behind the counter.

The eggs soon were transformed into a Jibalian seven-spice omelet, which Kathryn ate greedily. She had noticed in the last few days that she had been getting hungrier than normal.

'Little One seems to be a hungry fellow,' she thought as she downed the last of her glass of juice. 'Hope it doesn't mean I'll turn into a whale just to feed him.'

With her breakfast finished and nothing else to do, the Captain made her way to the bridge.

Upon her entering, everyone snapped to attention but she waved them off, saying that she was just here for something to do and that they should go back to whatever it was they were doing before disappearing into her Ready Room. She stayed there doing busy work until her shift started.

~~~~~ST:V~~~~~~

Every officer on the bridge could tell that something was off with their captain. She was fidgety all morning, constantly shifting positions in her chair, crossing and uncrossing her legs, and tapping her fingers against her leg. It had everyone perplexed. They were speeding through space at warp five and hadn't come across anything what so ever in the past day and a half to warrant such unease.

Only two bridge officers had any idea about what could have the captain so agitated but they were still as curious as the rest of the crew to find out what was going on.

Just before lunch, the captain of the Federation starship Voyager left the bridge and headed to her Ready room for the second time that day.

Mere moments after the Captain vacated the bridge, the First Officer entered. He didn't, however, take his seat. Instead, he walked over to the Ready Room and disappeared from the bridge crew's view as well.

~~~~~ST:V~~~~~

"You ready?" Chakotay asked once the door had slid closed behind him.

"As I'll ever be, I suppose," Kathryn sighed.

"Do you know what you are going to say?" he inquired.

"I have a plan," she answered. "I'm going to start with New Earth and how a relationship developed. Then say how the relationship on the planet has continued and also led to my pregnancy, which is 13 weeks along. They don't need to know about what happened between leaving New Earth and finding out I was pregnant. That's private."

"Sounds good," Chakotay agreed. "Straight forward and to the point. Are we going to stay in here or are we going to go to the bridge?"

"If we don't go out there, it'll seem like we're ashamed of what happened," Kathryn shook her head, "and that is the farthest thing from what I feel."

"Lead the way," he said, gesturing towards the door and giving her a quick peck on the cheek as she walked by.

She walked over to the door and, with a deep breath, entered the bridge.

Every crew member on the bridge turned to look at the captain and first officer as they walked on to the bridge.

Kathryn ignored them and continued on to the middle of the bridge.

"All hands, this is the captain," she called with a confidence that she wasn't really feeling. "If you could all take a moment away from your duties, I have a…rather important announcement to make.

"As all of you know," she began her speech, "a little over three months ago, the Commander and I returned from New Earth. What you do not know is that while we were on the planet, Commander Chakotay and I formed a…romantic relationship that has continued since our return to the ship.

"I am telling you now because our relationship on the planet has led to an unforeseen but very welcome consequence. The Commander and I are expecting a child and in six months, give or take, our ship will have a new crew member.

"If anyone has any concerns, feel free to come to myself or the Commander with them. However, I want to assure everyone that I will let this affect my decisions as Captain as little as possible."

With that, she sat down in her chair and gazed at the view screen.

Harry's mouth was hanging open just slightly. B'Elanna scoffed in disbelief and looked at Chakotay with raised eyebrows. Samantha Wildman looked stunned at the captain's revelation.

Only Tom and Tuvok looked unfazed by the news. Tom sat at his station and smirked at the expressions on his fellow officers' faces while Tuvok simply stared forward, stoic as ever.

The bridge was silent for a few moments before Tom broke it with some of his usually comedic teasing.

"Close your mouth, Harry," the helmsman chuckled. "You look like you're trying to catch meteorites with that thing."

Harry's mouth snapped closed as he turned to glare at his friend.

"Congratulations!" Samantha exclaimed. Since telling the Captain of her own pregnancy, the two had developed a friendship, meeting for meals on occasion and even the odd game of Velocity when Samantha could be dragged away from her daughter.

"Thank you, Ensign," Kathryn Janeway smiled at the young mother.

"Yeah, congratulations, Captain," Harry said, now that he had finally gotten over the shock. "You, too, Commander."

"Thank you, Mr. Kim," Chakotay inclined his head at the excitable young man.

After various words of congratulations from the rest of the bridge crew, the Captain and the Commander took their seats, ready for a shift on the bridge.


	15. Chapter 15

Today had been bad. Worse than bad. Worse than worse than bad.

Home had been within their grasp. It was so close that she could have sworn that she could feel the warm breeze and smell the salty ocean air at Starfleet Headquarters. Then, just as quickly as it had come, it was gone, ripped away without warning by those despicable Ferengi.

Now that she was alone, Kathryn let the tears of anger and sadness fall. Before her pregnancy, she would have simply stewed in her anger, blaming herself for not getting her crew home but now, it seemed like every emotion she felt was magnified tenfold. She felt like crying at the least little thing that upset her and every happy event made her eyes well up.

As her tears slowed to a stop, Kathryn Janeway began to feel loneliness seep in. Being in charge was a challenging and rewarding job but it came at a price. The top was a solitary place. She didn't have the luxury of having someone she could share the burdens that spot came with.

But that wasn't true anymore, she realized. She had Chakotay. Perhaps she could not share every secret and burden she agreed to bear when she accepted captaincy, but she could share this one.

With that, she got up off her couch. After taking a quick detour to her bathroom to splash some water on her face, the captain of the starship _Voyager _changed from her official Starfleet uniform into a more casual outfit and left her quarters.

The trip to her first officer's quarters did not take long. The ship was a small one and their quarters weren't too far apart from each other so in four minutes, Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway was standing in front of the door of the father of her unborn child.

Kathryn paused as she was about to tap the computer console and order it to inform Chakotay of her arrival. She had always handled things on her own; all of the times when she was angry or hurt or upset or sad, she had taken care of herself. The independent woman had never turned to anyone like she was about to do and it scared her.

'But that is part of life,' Kathryn told herself. 'Chakotay and I are in a relationship. We're having a child together, for goodness sake! If I can't trust him to see me when I'm vulnerable, how can we ever be together? He's trusted me to see him when he isn't his strongest. I need to trust him, too.'

With that epiphany of sorts in mind, Kathryn Janeway tapped the computer interface.

A moment later, the door slid open to reveal a pajama clad Mayan.

"Kathryn," Chakotay said with a hint of surprise.

"May I come in?" she asked.

"Of course," the First Officer agreed and stepped aside to let her pass.

"I hope I'm not interrupting anything," she said once she had entered Chakotay's private quarters.

"No, I was just reading for a bit before I went to bed," he responded.

The pair of commanding officers stood in the middle of Chakotay's living quarters. An awkward silence hung between the two. Neither said anything; they simply stood, staring at each other.

"What's wrong?" Chakotay inquired softly.

Kathryn opened her mouth but closed it again. Without saying a word, she closed the small distance between them and wrapped her arms around his muscular body.

He reciprocated the hug, enclosing Kathryn in a comforting embrace. He pressed his lips to her reddish-brown hair and rubbed soothing circles on her back.

"Today was terrible," she mumbled eventually.

"It wasn't the best day, that's for sure," the Mayan man agreed.

"We were so close!" the Indiana-born woman moaned. "We were practically home and now that's gone."

"I know," Chakotay replied. "I feel the same way."

"You can't," the captain disagreed firmly, pulling out of her former (and hopefully future) lover's arms. "You can't possibly feel the same way as I do because you aren't the one who made a decision that stranded over 100 people decades away from home."

"You did what you thought was necessary to save the Occampa," he tried to ease her guilt.

"And what I thought probably cost both our crews their only chance to get home!" Kathryn bit out angrily, feelings of guilt and fury reaching to near overwhelming levels.

"You can't blame yourself, Kathryn," the Mayan man tried to convince her. "You did what you thought was right."

"Ugh…I know," she moaned into his chest. "I don't regret my decision usually. I couldn't have lived with myself if I hadn't helped the Occampa. Today was just a really bad day."

Chakotay did not respond. He simply held onto her, running one hand through her hair and trailing his other hand lightly down her arm. Kathryn sighed and snuggled farther into the warm, safe embrace.

He pressed his lips into Kathryn's hair and murmured, "Why don't we go sit down and relax? I'll read to you."

"Mmm," Kathryn hummed, "that sounds heavenly."

Reluctantly, Chakotay pulled away from the woman he loved and led her to his couch. Once they sat down and Kathryn curled up next to him, he began reading to her from an ancient earth text called _Oliver Twist._

He hadn't even finished the first chapter when the former Maquis fighter heard a soft, very lady-like snore. Chakotay chuckled quietly. He wondered if Kathryn knew she snored. Granted, it wasn't much, usually just one here or there, so she or (he thought jealously) her other lovers might have never known.

The tired man closed the replicated copy of Charles Dickens' classic novel and set it on the armrest of the couch. He leaned back to rest his head on the back of the couch and sighed.

Kathryn was right; it had been a terrible day. Once they had found out about the wormhole leading back to the Alpha Quadrant, he had been filled with hope. Hope that he and Kathryn would be able to raise their child on earth. Hope that they could have a happy, calm life together, raising their child. Now those hopes had been dashed. Once again the only future they could foresee was one trapped thousands of light years from home.

Chakotay felt his eyes begin to drift closed and had to force them back open. If he fell asleep here, he would be in for a sore everything in the morning. The Mayan carefully extracted himself from Kathryn's hold on him and stretched a bit to invigorate his sleepy muscles. Once he had successfully awakened his muscles, Chakotay gently slid his strong arms underneath the peacefully sleeping woman on his couch so he could pick her up and take her to a more comfortable sleeping spot.

Kathryn shifted some when Chakotay lifted her up from the couch but didn't wake. He slowly walked through the small quarters to his bed and set the sleeping woman down with as much care as possible. Her mouth opened and, for a second, Chakotay thought she would wake up but all Kathryn Janeway did was let out a few sleepy grumbles and flop onto her side.

Fighting laughter, the Mayan man climbed into bed beside the only woman he had ever been able to see him spending the rest of his life with and dropped off to sleep.


	16. Chapter 16

The weeks following the encounter with the Ferengi had been fairly routine apart from an odd experience B'Elanna Torres had with members of an alien race called the Enarans. A woman named Jora Mirell telepathically made B'Elanna relive the experiences she had as a young woman. She showed B'Elanna of a dark time for her people, one where those who wished to live a different lifestyle were persecuted and eventually executed for their beliefs. Thanks to this woman and B'Elanna, this sad and hidden period of Enaran history had come to light.

The weeks had also been uneventful for her pregnancy. Captain Kathryn Janeway was now 20 weeks pregnant and both mother and baby were doing wonderfully, according to Voyager's EMH. She'd started to wear a maternity uniform about two weeks ago and she was not terribly happy about it. Her small frame didn't allow for much room for her child to grow inside of her and she had already expanded much more than she would have liked.

Chakotay, however, disagreed. He thought that Kathryn looked radiant. To him, she looked more beautiful than ever before, than any other woman he'd ever seen. Whenever he heard Kathryn making a comment about the extra inches around her normally petite waist, he told her this. Each and every time the Mayan did this, the fair skinned captain blushed deep red and looked away.

Chakotay had noticed in the time he'd known her as more than just his captain that she had trouble accepting compliments about her appearance. He was unsure why; she was a very attractive woman physically and even more so in her personality. The reason for this discomfort was one of the many things that he still didn't know about her but hoped, one day, to find out.

During this time, both parties had a lot of time to think about things, important things, which had had to take a back seat to even more pressing matters aboard the ship. But now that they were in calm space with little to worry about besides whether everyone was making their shifts on time, Kathryn and Chakotay could no longer avoid thinking about what their future together held.

Much of Kathryn's time was spent contemplating where her baby would live once he or she was born. Of course, the child needed to be with its mother, of that there was no question. But would the father, the man Kathryn Elizabeth Janeway loved more than anything in the universe, live with them or would the child be shunted between quarters, knowing their father but not having him full time? Kathryn didn't want that. She wanted them to be a family. But was she ready to give up her space and independence? They'd shared the shelter on New Earth, of course, so she knew what it was like to live with him. But they hadn't been together than, not really. They each did their own thing and had their own space within the shelter. If the other was getting on their nerves, they could leave and find somewhere to be alone on the planet they'd shared. Sharing quarters on _Voyager _wouldn't be the same. They would share everything; a bathroom, a living room, a bed. They'd be sharing a life. Kathryn valued her independence, had never given that up just because she was seeing someone, even when it was serious. But Chakotay was different. She couldn't imagine a life without them together, loving each other until the end of their days. Was she willing to give up some of that independence she valued so greatly in order to insure that they could really and truly be together?

Chakotay knew of Kathryn's desire for independence and he loved her for it. She was a strong woman who knew how to work for what she wanted. It was a trait of hers that he admired. However, with all the time he had to think about their future, the gentle Mayan man began to dwell on how this would translate in their relationship. Would she ever be able to give all of herself to him? Could they build a home together, a life together, for their child? They'd spent nights together since she had told him she was carrying his child but each and every morning, one of them left to go to their own quarters. They were together but separated in this way. They could have what he wanted more than anything, a home and family, for brief periods of time but it always ended. They were not truly together as long as they had their own private lives to run back to after their time together. Chakotay wanted so much more than they had right now. He wanted to be with her, fully and truly. He wanted to live together, raise their child together, as husband and wife, not living separate lives and only having the illusion of being a true family. Chakotay hadn't spoken to Kathryn about this. He didn't know what her answer would be if he asked for them to live together and the thought of her denying him that was frightening. He'd never loved anyone more than Kathryn and the thought that she didn't feel as strongly as he did. She was a fiercely independent woman, rarely depending on anyone very much; could she, would she give some of that up for him? After her rejection of him after New Earth, he didn't know if he could handle her breaking his heart once more.

These calm weeks also allowed the couple time to spend with each other. They'd been on several dates. The two commanding officers had spent several evenings at Sandrine's with other members of the crew, sometimes playing a game or two of pool, other times sitting in a secluded corner, talking about the ship sometimes and personal topics others. They'd also had a few private dinners together. Each of these dinners ended with increasing intimacy. The first dinner had ended with a few kisses between the two loves. The second had ended with a rather intense make out session. The third and every one since had ended with the pair falling asleep together in one of their beds, usually after Chakotay had read to Kathryn. In fact, more nights than not in the past few weeks had ended this way, even when they hadn't had a private dinner. Not since their time on the planet had things gotten farther than this but each night they spent together it seemed like they were getting closer and closer to once again showing their love to each other.

The pair also had a chance to spend some time together on the holodeck. They'd had another picnic in the same place Chakotay had picked last time. Another holodeck date took place in a section of wilderness that Kathryn programed to resemble an area near her childhood home that she'd often spent time "exploring" as a young girl.

Their most recent holodeck date was one of Chakotay's doing.

~~~~~ST:V~~~~~

"I hate surprises," Kathryn Janeway groused to her First Officer as they walked down the corridor towards the turbo lift.

"No, you don't" Chakotay countered with that smug half smirk of his that she loved. "You say you hate them but your eyes light up like stars on a moonless night when you see what the surprise is."

Kathryn huffed in mild frustration as they entered the lift. Chakotay was right; she really did like surprises, at least good ones.

"Relax," Chakotay chuckled, "you'll find out in a couple minutes what the surprise is. Just be patient. I know that's hard for you but-"

"Hey!" she cried, feigning indignation. "You'd better watch it if you don't to end up without a cuddle buddy tonight, Mr. Snuggles."

A quiet giggle alerted the two to the fact that the turbo lift doors had opened on deck six. Chakotay and the captain looked over to see an ensign and a lieutenant standing just outside the doors. The one that was giggling received a sharp elbow to the ribs from her colleague.

"Sorry, Captain, Commander," the giggler said as her commanding officers exited the turbo lift.

The captain nodded at her subordinates as they entered the turbo lift she and her Mayan companion had just vacated. At the hiss of the lift doors closing, she heard Chakotay groan. Kathryn looked over to see his large, callused hand covering his eyes and his dark skin turning a deep shade of red.

"I'm never going to live that down!" he muttered. "Those two are some of the biggest gossips on the ship. And once they tell Neelix, everyone will know I'm 'Mr. Snuggles' faster than maximum warp."

Try as she might, the vivacious woman couldn't keep her laughter in check. A hearty chortle broke free.

"Well, I'm glad you find this amusing," Chakotay snapped, "because I sure don't."

His tone stopped her laughter immediately.

"Hey," she said quietly, touching his well-muscled arm to stop him, "what's the matter? The ship already knows about us. I'm sure they already assume we're, well, doing more than we're doing."

"I just-" he started, then sighed. "I don't like having everyone know my private business. This ship is so small that it's next to impossible to have much privacy. Is it so wrong that I don't want everyone know that I like to snuggle, as you put it? That's something private, between us, not everyone on this damn ship's business."

"Of course it's not wrong," Kathryn told the father of her child. "I'm sorry. If I would have noticed that someone could hear, I wouldn't have said it. I didn't mean to embarrass you."

Chakotay sighed again and then shook his head. "I know you didn't," he told her. "I used to be the butt of many of my father's jokes. I tend to react…badly when it happens now, even if it is unintentional."

The compassionate woman felt for him. She used to be the butt of many jokes as a child, too, although these were from the children at school. She was a chubby child with few friends and a reputation for being the teacher's pet because of her love of learning. Needless to say, taunts came her way nearly every day.

Kathryn reached up and cupped his face in her hands. "I will never," she said in a serious voice, the one he knew meant she was making a promise to him and herself, "use you as the butt of a joke. And I'm sorry for laughing before."

He, too, reached out and cupped her face in his hands. With a slight smile, the tall man stooped down and pressed a quick kiss to her soft lips.

A moment after the two separated and continued on their way to the holodeck, Chakotay chuckled.

"What?" his female companion asked, a quizzical look in her eyes.

"I suppose it was kind of funny," he admitted. Kathryn smiled with him.

"If it makes you feel any better," she informed him in a jocular tone of voice as they reached to door to the holodeck, "I think that you already have a bit of a reputation of being a big teddy bear at heart."

"Ugh," the ex-Maquis groaned. "Might as well stuff me and tie a bow around my neck now and get it over with!"

Kathryn burst out laughing and this time, Chakotay joined with her. The two guffawed for a few moments before finally regaining their composure. Once the last of their chuckles had died down, Chakotay commanded the computer, "Begin program Chakotay NE-Alpha-1."

"Program initiated. Enter when ready," the female monotone voice droned.

"After you," Chakotay held out his arm with a little half-bow. Kathryn smiled at his silliness and went into the holodeck. Her date followed her in.

Before them lay a lovely forest. There were tall trees, chirping birds, buzzing bugs, and all kinds of animals scurrying around. Kathryn stood still and took in the holographic beauty before her. She listened to the sounds and heard the rush of water from somewhere beyond the trees.

"It's wonderful, Chakotay," Kathryn murmured.

He reached out one large dark skinned hand and grabbed the small, pale hand belonging to his Indiana-born lover. The Mayan led her through the trees, past bushes and flowers, deeper into the forest. The gurgling, bubbling sounds of water got louder and, finally, they broke through a wall of trees to see a gently flowing river. Bobbing up and down with the currents and tied to a tree was a wooden boat. It looked…familiar, somehow. Almost like…

"Chakotay, is that-"

"The boat from New Earth," he confirmed. "You said you would like to take a trip down the river while we were there. I thought maybe, since we never got to, you'd like to now. I know it's not quite the same but-"

"I'd love to," she cut him off. Chakotay beamed.

"I think I'm going to need a little help getting in," the off duty Star Fleet captain commented. "Your child has thrown my balance completely off. I don't want to take a tumble into the river."

"Oh, so it's my child since the little one is causing something you don't like, huh?" Chakotay said in a mock serious tone, a grin showing that he was just teasing as he helped her into the gently swaying boat. "I bet if it was something favorable, it would be your child."

"Mother's prerogative," Kathryn teased him right back as she settled into her seat on the boat while Chakotay got in after her. "If you want to carry around ten or more extra kilos, add about forty five extra centimeters to your waist, and push a human being out of a hole the size of piece of conduit tubing, you can decide when the child is mine or yours, ok?"

"Well, when you put it like that," he laughed as he sat down in his own seat and grabbed the oars.

As Chakotay began to row them down the river, Kathryn draped her arm over the side of the boat and let her fingers trail through the cool, clear water below. She could see plants and fish and stones beneath the surface of the water. The routinely stressed out woman sighed contentedly and allowed all her fears and worries to melt away for these few moments she had with the man she loved.

They continued down the river a ways until Chakotay rowed over to the side and secured the boat. They were in a little meadow full of wildflowers. The sun was shining, birds flew overhead; it was the most perfect place she could imagine.

"Would you like to get out and lay in the grass for a while?" Chakotay asked her. "I know you were fond of doing that on New Earth when you weren't busy searching for a cure or tending your garden."

"That sounds like an excellent idea, Chakotay," she replied.

They exited the boat and the pair found a spot not far from the river to lie down and enjoy the sun. Even though it was holographic, the warmth from the computer-generated sun felt magnificent. Kathryn flopped down on the ground and sighed happily. When Chakotay lay down next to her, she scooted over and rested her head on his chest. The Mayan man pulled her close and put his hand protectively over her stomach where their child was growing. He hadn't felt this content in as long as he could remember.

Kathryn was quiet for so long that Chakotay thought she had fallen asleep. He was fine with that. He loved when she let him hold her, awake or asleep. Her petite body fit with his perfectly, like they were two halves of a whole.

What Chakotay didn't know was that Kathryn was perfectly awake. She was actually thinking, for the umpteenth time, about what their future held.

'I want this,' she thought to herself as she contemplated the two of them moving in together, becoming a family. 'I want it so much.'

Then what was holding her back, she wondered. She knew that all the thoughts she'd had of losing her independence was just an excuse. She knew that Chakotay wouldn't try to take that from her. The real reason, the one she'd been avoiding, was the same as the reason she'd broken the relationship between her and her first officer after they'd been cured.

She was scared. Every man that she'd ever loved had been taken from her. Her father and Justin, her first fiancé, had both died in a terrible shuttle accident. It had been a miracle that she'd escaped the same fate. And Mark. He was thousands of light-years away, on the other side of the galaxy and it was unlikely that she would ever see him again. He, too, had been taken from her, although in a different way. If the scientific woman had believed in curses, she was sure she would think she was under one. She was terrified that if she let Chakotay get too close, as she had let Mark and Justin, that he would be ripped away from her, just as they had. If they moved in together and became a family, he would be closer to her than anyone else ever had.

'But he's already closer to me than anyone else has been,' she reminded herself. 'Keeping him an arm's length away isn't going to change that. This fear is irrational and all it's doing is hurting us.'

Try as she might, she still couldn't simply rationalize it away.

'The only way to defeat a fear is to face it head on,' Kathryn told herself. 'That's what Daddy always said. The only way I am going to get over this fear is to face it.' With that thought firmly in her head, the Admiral's daughter gathered up all her courage and pounced on her fear like a cat on a mouse.

"Chakotay?" she said to her makeshift pillow.

Chakotay, who had been sure she was asleep, started slightly at her voice but answered, "Yes, Kathryn?"

She took a deep breath, and dove into her fear.

"I think we should move in together."

Whatever Chakotay had been expecting his lover to say, that was certainly not it. He honestly hadn't thought that she would want to live together, even though they were now in a relationship and having a child together.

He didn't say this. Instead, he said, "You do?"

Her courage faltered slightly but the strong woman plowed on. Now that she'd started, she wasn't going to stop.

"Yes, I do," Kathryn said in a voice that sounded more sure of herself than she felt. "With the baby coming in a few months, it would certainly be easier on us both if we lived together. And we'd need time to get quarters combined into a space large enough for both of us and a baby.

"And," she added softly, shyly, "I want to be with you. Always. In every part of our lives."

This last sentence brought tears to the sensitive man's eyes. This was exactly what he had wanted but been too afraid to ask for.

Unable to find the words to describe how happy she had just made him, Chakotay tried to convey the emotion another way. He broke their embrace and moved to kneel over her. He looked deep in her eyes for a brief moment before he leaned down and captured her lips with his own.

"I love you, Kathryn," he murmured after they broke the kiss for air, "so, so much."

"I love you, too, Chakotay," Kathryn replied breathlessly. "More than anything."

The strong Mayan man again captured the love of his life's lips. He couldn't get enough of her. The feel of her lips against his own, so soft and feminine. The taste of peach tea that lingered from dinner. The scent that was uniquely hers, something he couldn't accurately describe.

"Chakotay," the thoroughly kissed woman said when they again broke for air, "we need to stop."

"Why?" he questioned, continuing to kiss her lips, her jaw.

"Ah," she gasped as he kissed down her neck and nibbled at her collarbone.

Though it was nearly impossible, what with the way Chakotay was doing everything he knew drove her wild, she managed to compose herself slightly and say, "We can't do this here. Someone could walk in."

"Let them," he murmured in a husky tone, "I want you too much to care."

"If you're worried about what people will say about how you like to snuggle," she panted, "just imagine what will happen if they find out you were having your way with me in the holodeck."

Chakotay broke off his assault of her neck and groaned. He got up from his position kneeling over Kathryn and sat down next to her, obviously uncomfortable and wanting much more than he received.

Kathryn, wanting Chakotay just as much (if not more due to her pregnancy hormones) as he wanted her, gave her former and soon to be current lover a slow, seductive smile. She leaned in so close that her lips were touching Chakotay's ear. It sent shivers down the tall man's spine.

"But perhaps," she whispered in a quiet, husky voice, "we could continue in a more appropriate place."

With that, she got up from her seat on the soft grass and called for the arch. Just before she was about to leave her stunned companion still sitting in the meadow, the fiery reddish-brown haired woman turned and, with a sexy smirk, said, "I'll be in my quarters if you need me, Commander."

The door had barely slid shut before Chakotay rushed after her, a large grin on his face.


End file.
